Talents
by distraught.hallelujah
Summary: There's an indoor fair at Karakura Town High School. Orihime Inoue is manning a fortune-telling booth, and everyone knows it's fake… so why is everything she predicts coming true? And where does bean jam come into the story?


Talents

"Kurosaki-kun!"

Ichigo heard it. He wished he didn't, but he did. He could pretend he didn't hear it, but Orihime Inoue could stop him to talk even if he was falling off of a twenty-story building. That was her talent. Apparently today she was doing something else, because she wore a black top hat, suit, and cape, and her generous chest bounced enthusiastically below the bright red bowtie as she raced over.

"Kurosaki-kun," she said eagerly. "What are you doing for the talent show? I'm telling fortunes. Would you like your fortune told? Rukia-san is doing face-painting. She does wonderful rabbits…"

"I'm actually not participating this year," Ichigo said. Orihime frowned slightly.

"Are you sure?" She asked doubtfully. Ichigo gestured down at himself.

"Pretty sure," he said. Orihime smiled again.

"Well, do you want your fortune told?" she asked. Ichigo froze.

"Er… maybe later," he said. Orihime nodded, not too disappointed, and raced back to her booth between Rukia Kuchiki and Rangiku Matsumoto.

Wait… Rangiku? Ichigo squinted. How the heck did she get here? She was apparently selling little knit hats, because he could see the animal faces. There was panda cap, a giraffe cap, a dog cap, and many more. Ichigo could just make out Toshiro Hitsugaya, too – hiding behind the cotton candy booth. Frowning slightly, Ichigo headed over.

He cleared his throat, and Toshiro jumped in surprise. He whipped around.

"Oh, it's you, Kurosaki," he said, sounding relieved. His spiky white hair was even more messy than usual, and he looked tired.

"You don't look so good, Toshiro," Ichigo said curiously.

"I don't feel so good," Toshiro admitted. Immediately Ichigo knew something was wrong – Captain Hitsugaya had not corrected him. Captain Hitsugaya _always_ corrected him.

"Is it Rangiku?" Ichigo asked. The long-suffering look on Toshiro's face told him that he was spot-on. Toshiro sighed.

"I modeled every single one of her hats last night," he said. "They itch like there's no tomorrow, and worse, she's trying to get me to wear one and hang around her booth for publicity. I can't take it anymore. Isn't there something you can do? Talk to her? Persuade her? Wear the hat instead of me?"

Ichigo was too busy staring at Orihime's booth. There was a dark curtain covering the inside, and someone was just leaving, looking oddly distressed. Ichigo was worried. Orihime wasn't predicting any deaths, was she?

"Kurosaki," Toshiro pleaded. "I need you to do this for me."

"Captain!" someone crowed. Ichigo leapt out of the way just in time as Matsumoto's ample bosom engulfed Toshiro, almost completely hiding the small captain from sight. Ichigo stifled laughter.

"Matsumoto," said Toshiro's level voice from the uncharted valley of the gods. "Get your cleavage out of my face."

Matsumoto hopped back but, as soon as she had released him, something came over Toshiro. To be precise, it was a hat – a floppy poodle hat with a pom-pom. Matsumoto clapped her hands with glee while Toshiro looked anything but gleeful. In fact, he looked faceless. The hat covered the top half of his face.

Toshiro raised a hand to slowly push the hat out of his eyes, and Ichigo thought he was the only one who noticed that Toshiro's eye was twitching. Matsumoto, definitely, didn't notice a thing as she marveled at her work.

"You look simply marvelous, captain!" she exclaimed. "So adorable! Oh, girls will swarm to my booth if you're here looking like that!"

"Matsumoto," the captain said suddenly, raising a hand to point. "What is that?"

Matsumoto turned around quickly.

"What, captain? I don't see any…" she turned back and instantly noticed the blatant absence of white-haired prodigy. She sighed. It seemed only then when she finally noticed Ichigo, and she glanced at him with surprise.

"Oh, I didn't see you there, Kurosaki!" she said cheerfully. "If you see the captain, please tell me." And then Matsumoto was gone, and Ichigo could breathe again.

"That's amazing!" someone exclaimed from nearby. Ichigo looked up. It was the person who had recently exited Orihime's fortune-telling booth. He was staring at his cell-phone in wonder as a small crowd of people began to form around him. "The girl in the fortune-telling booth said my girlfriend would come in contact with bean jam in a dangerous way today! I just got a text saying that during a school tour of a factory, she fell into a tub of bean jam! She almost drowned!"

People began murmuring, and Ichigo sighed and headed towards the fortune-telling tent. The black curtain was drawn open as he reached it and Orihime appeared in her cape and top hat. They bumped into each other.

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime said in surprise. "Would you like your fortune told?"

"Yeah, why not?" Ichigo said, shooing her back into the booth. He pulled the curtain shut behind them. Inside was a little room with a glowing crystal ball in the center of the table. His eyes immediately fell on it.

"Where did you get that?" he asked doubtfully.

"It was in the three hundred yen section at Target," Orihime answered as she sat down. "It's made of plastic and has a light-bulb inside. Sit and give me your palm, please."

Ichigo had no choice. He sat.

"That'll be five hundred yen," Orihime said, holding out her hand. Ichigo blinked.

"You haven't done anything yet," he complained. "Besides, I'm a friend."

"I know, but Rukia told me that I have to take money from everyone, even my friends," Orihime said, biting her lip. "And that I need to be paid in advance just in case you don't like the fortune…"

Ichigo wordlessly handed her the money. Orihime nodded satisfactorily and looked down at the crystal ball. She closed her eyes and began humming.

"Mm-mmm, mm-mm-mmm mm, mm-mm-mm," she hummed, her head nodding back and forth. The crystal ball suddenly shorted, sending up sparks. Suddenly everything went dark as the only source of light shut off.

"Whoops," came Orihime's apologetic exclamation. She cleared her throat and tried to act like that was supposed to happen. "Your future is clouded, dear boy. I'm afraid darkness trails after you. It smells like cheeseburgers… yes, I can smell it clearly. Don't get any fast food today, my dear boy. Fast food bodes ill."

Ichigo stood up.

"Thanks," he said, and went to leave. He tripped over something in the darkness, probably Orihime's cape, and toppled over. Orihime gave a little shriek as the cape tugged her down on top of him and they both tumbled out of the booth.

"Oof," Ichigo said, looking up. Everybody was staring, and not in a good way. Ichigo leapt up and Orihime tumbled off of him and landed on the ground.

"Et, et, et, et," she moaned, rubbing her bottom as she got unsteadily to her feet. She looked around for Ichigo, but he was gone.

See, this was why she had to be paid in advance.

* * *

"Done," Rukia crowed. "You look bee-utiful!"

Ichigo laughed aloud. Renji Abarai sat in the chair. Luckily his hair was tied back, because two long bunny ears stretched over his forehead tattoos. He looked slightly annoyed as Ichigo kept laughing, and then Renji's little pink nose twitched. Ichigo had to admit that Rukia's bunny looked fantastic, but… it didn't really suit Renji.

"I feel terrible," Renji said.

"You look lovely," Ichigo assured him. "Simply bunny-licious."

And Renji scowled.

"Come on," Ichigo said with a sigh. "Rukia, you want to take a break and get something to eat? Renji, you can come too. The food court is on the other side of the gym."

"Is that Captain Hitsugaya?" Rukia murmured, looking over Ichigo's shoulder. Ichigo turned around. At Matsumoto's hat booth, there was a very recognizable poodle. In fact, it was not so much a poodle as a very upset Squad 10 captain. Matsumoto was standing over him with a scarf and trying to wind it around the poor captain's neck, and he was futilely trying to live.

"I think so," Ichigo said slowly. "Matsumoto's selling hats. He's her mannequin."

"That's sad," Rukia said, but her eyes were already set on her next victim. "Ichigo, sit. Now."

Ichigo had no choice. He sat.

* * *

"I'd like a hamburger and fries, please," Ichigo asked in a dead tone. The female cashier tried not to laugh as she punched in the order. Ichigo's skin felt wrong from the paint on his face, so wrong that he didn't even remember his fortune.  
Everything suddenly came flooding back to him when someone with a tray of food slammed into him from behind. *The fortune was deadly accurate,* he thought as he hit the ground covered in diet soda and a slice of pizza. The pizza hung over his head like a hat, and the soda dripped down his chin. Ichigo sat there, feeling very sorry for himself.

And then came the 'I told you so.'

"Kurosaki-kun!" exclaimed the ginger-haired fortune-teller as she put her hands to her mouth in horror. She reached down to help him up and slipped in the soda, and the next thing he knew, it was the fortune-telling booth all over again.

"I am… so sorry," said the man who stood above them, the person who had been carrying the tray. "I didn't… er… see you."

Ichigo pushed Orihime off of himself sourly as he got to his feet. Orihime blushed as she scrambled to her feet, straightening her hat.

"That's okay," Ichigo said as he walked past the man towards the bathroom. Orihime watched him go, feeling strangely like it was her fault.

"I'll have to redo his face," Rukia said thoughtfully from behind.

* * *

"Ta-da," Matsumoto exclaimed, holding Toshiro at arms' length.

"I need a drink," Toshiro moaned.

"I'll get you a soda," Matsumoto suggested.

"Something much, much stronger," Toshiro growled, a vein throbbing uncontrollably in his forehead.

"Drinking is nothing to be ashamed of, captain," Matsumoto scolded lightly as she handed him a bottle of sake. Toshiro didn't have time to wonder where it came from. He took the bottle and stared down at it, debating.

"Hey," someone whispered sharply from nearby. "This is a school – you're not allowed to drink alcohol here!"

Toshiro paid no mind to the person and instead kept staring miserably down at the bottle in his hands. Then he raised it to his lips and took a swig.

* * *

"Beware of people with orange hair!" Orihime yelped after her customer. Business was, surprisingly, booming. She waited silently at her booth for her next unsuspecting vi—er, customer. As it would happen, Uryu Ishida appeared quite suddenly.

"Ishida-kun!" Orihime exclaimed gleefully. She grasped him by the shoulders and steered the very surprised Quincy into her booth. It was pitch black.

"I'm afraid I haven't been able to fix the crystal ball yet, so imagine it right there," Orihime said cheerfully as she sat him down. "Five hundred yen!"

"Inoue-san," Uryu began. Orihime shushed him.

"I can see it now," she said dramatically. "Keep your shoelaces tied or face the consequences! Steer clear of graveyards today, Ishida-kun, and don't eat any rats. Yes, I'm sure of it; this is a bad day for you to be eating rats." Uryu could just make out her hand. Sighing, he gave her the money and stood up to leave.

"Wait," Orihime hissed. He felt himself being pushed back down, hard. "One last thing," she whispered. Uryu froze as he could make out her shape getting closer. He tensed. How could he put this…?

"You need bean jam," Orihime announced, and shoved something into his hands. "I only give free jars to my best customers. Enjoy!"

And then, thank heavens, he was free. Uryu left the booth feeling a little dizzy, his new jar of bean jam in his hands. Hurricane Inoue has struck again.

* * *

"One more, please, Matsumoto," Toshiro said cheerfully. Matsumoto happily topped his already-leaning Tower of Hats with a zebra-striped knit cap. Toshiro hiccupped and the hats wobbled. He nearly dropped the empty bottle of sake in his hands. He handed it off to Matsumoto and unsteadily tried to walk away from the booth.

"Captain," Matsumoto said, "you didn't pay me for the hats!"

"Here," the captain slurred, handing his wallet to Matsumoto before turning and heading away. He tried to walk in a straight line, but it ended up as more of a zigzag as he walked past a small group of girls, who watched him make his way across the court uncertainly. The girls were frowning slightly.

"Have you girls, perhaps, never seen such cuteness before?" Toshiro slurred towards the girls, pointing towards himself and accidentally butting himself in the eye. He hiccupped again and tried to steady himself on thin air. "Well, don't get too used to it," he snapped, and fell slowly to the ground. He hit the ground hard and lay unmoving. The girls looked shocked.

"You've had a bit much, I think, captain," Matsumoto said as she took his arm and proceeded to drag him face-down across the courtyard, leaving most of his hats littered behind him. Matsumoto got more than one odd look as she loaded her unconscious captain into her booth on a pile of hats. She nodded satisfactorily and then headed off, humming to herself.

Lieutenant Matsumoto had been unleashed. There would be no survivors.

* * *

"Inoue, what are you using to tell fortunes?" Ichigo demanded at the fortune-telling booth. Orihime looked around discreetly and then leaned forward confidentially.

"I can't say," she said mournfully.

"Everything you said came true," he said hurriedly. "Ishida tripped over his shoelaces and lost his glasses at the Graveyard Rat Plushy booth, I got hit with fast food, and someone else was frightened into fainting by a clown in a bright orange wig, not to mention that guy who's girlfriend fell into a vat of bean jam!"

Orihime gasped, putting her hands to her mouth in surprise. She turned slowly, her eyes wide.

"I knew it," she whispered. Ichigo put a hand on her shoulder.

"Tell me," he demanded softly.

"I… I…" she stammered.

"Yes?" Ichigo prompted.

"I'm…" Orihime said in wonder, looking up at him with amazement sparkling in her brown eyes. "Psychic!" she finished.

* * *

Epilogue

* * *

Matsumoto was physically dragged out of the gym by security for reasons that made newspaper headlines but sadly cannot be written about in a book like this meant for young people. Her captain woke up the next morning with a full closet and an empty wallet, a massive headache, and a feeling of self-hatred.

Orihime stopped telling fortunes. People assumed it would be better this way. Uryu Ishida did find his glasses eventually, but by then he had new ones anyway. Everyone wondered where Sado was on this occasion. As for Renji, when he heard that Rukia hadn't used washable paint, he returned to Soul Society feeling miserable and had to put up with the jokes. The only one who didn't poke any jokes, thanks heavens, was Byakuya Kuchiki, his captain, who was content with reveling in silent laughter.

Ichigo, who had the same problem, was saved by two younger sisters with washcloths, who had to go to extremes to get the rabbit off of his face (which included rubbing alcohol and a certain amount of skin loss). Thankfully, the only person who wasn't too much worse for wear was the girlfriend who had fallen into a vat of bean jam.

She recovered shortly and she and her boyfriend and still dating, though she tends to steer clear of bean jam and very rarely enters stores. Her boyfriend doesn't blame her and often does the shopping for her. He understands the trauma of that incident, and it is agreed that it will not be spoken of again.

The End


End file.
